LEARN from The Past: Never Dwelling There
WAY TO LET GO AND LIVE A HAPPY LIVE
“To get over the past, you first have to accept that the past is over. No matter how many times you revisit it, analyze it, regret it, or sweat it…it’s over. It can hurt you no more.”― Mandy Hale
DON’T LIVING THE PAST
Everyone has made mistakes, everyone has gone through bad times within them. But we all deserve to be happy.
Life is short, so, do we have to sink into a lifetime of guilt and sorrow?
Talking about the past makes me think that we all will never be able to live in the shadow of the past.
We have to get out of those shackles and be proud to be able to make peace with ourselves and learn to accept what has happened.
I will tell you about how a bad experience in the past, if we don’t let it, will turn into a trauma that affects our mental health.
This experience is my personal experience, so maybe everyone will go through a different phase, but at least I will tell from my own point of view that I have experienced a trauma that made me feel trapped in it and can’t get away from it.
Until finally I felt that my life was useless and I gave up on my situation and felt wicked.
I am a child as well as the favorite grandchild of my family, not mean to be arrogant, but because I am smart and can always make my family happy with my presence, I am treated quite special.
My childhood was really fun if I can remember it well. Almost all the early days of my life, as far as I can remember, you could say that I was quite a spoiled child.
My grandparents really love me. Whatever I ask will be obeyed. From candy, snacks, to expensive toys in those days, I always had and got what I wanted.
Until I finally started growing up, getting into school age, I had to hang out and adapt. Running into other people I can’t expect will treat me specially.
This is where it all started. When I try to understand life socially, get along, adapt and try to blend in with the environment around me.
I often fight with my friends, even until I was beaten by my father for being very naughty at school.
Everything was normal, but I grew up as a spoiled child and always hoped that my wishes would be obeyed, otherwise I would get angry and start taking it out with bad things, like fighting and saying dirty words.
I often experience punishment here. Even I have been hit, slapped or pinched by my family because I was naughty.
I started hating them, I felt they didn’t love me anymore. All their bad treatment is recorded in my head. I grew up carrying that trauma and it turns out that when I grew up, I was often emotional, impatient and temperamental.
It turned out that all because I was still living in the shadow of my past. I can’t come to terms with it yet and I’m stuck in it.
“If we start being honest about our pain, our anger, and our shortcomings instead of pretending they don’t exist, then maybe we’ll leave the world a better place than we found it.” — Russell Wilson
ANGRY AND DENIAL
This is the most difficult stage I have experienced. When I try to make peace with myself. It’s not as easy as I imagined, this phase almost drives me crazy.
Being often spoiled, I hardly ever know the meaning of putting extra effort into it. When all my wishes were fulfilled, I felt that I didn’t have to try too much.
Until finally I was at that time, the time when the trauma arose.
Even though everything must have a cause, I can also say that my trauma appear because of a cause.
When I get older and face-off a problem, then I can’t solve it, I will blame myself.
It feels like everything is deadlocked and there is no way out. I’m trapped in it. Everything turned black suddenly.
When my boss scolded me at work or if a friend of mine is mad at me, I will get upset, then get angry and the feeling comes up again.
I will recall those past memories and blame myself, because I felt like I was a failure with myself, grew up to be weak and could not stand problems.
Then I would start denying whatever was on me, declaring that I was fine, I would always be okay.
This denial process was excruciating, because I didn’t realize what was happening, but I pretended everything was okay. However, it doesn’t matter if we don’t feel okay.
All of these things are really draining, this phase of anger and denial makes me sometimes almost give up and give up on it all.
“Is your life story the truth? Yes, the chronological events are true. Is it the whole truth? No, you see and judge it through your conditioned eyes and mind — not of all involved — nor do you see the entire overview. Is it nothing but the truth? No, you select, share, delete, distort, subtract, assume and add what you want, need and choose to.”― Rasheed Ogunlaru
TIME FOR HEALING
After experiencing anger and denial, I will get into the final stage, which is self-acceptance.
At this stage I feel very comfortable, finally I feel like I can make peace with myself, I can’t change my past, but I can determine what my future will be like.
Then I’m going to start taking out all the poison inside of me, getting all my emotions out of my head with anger and resentment.
Then I will begin to accept it all, life will go on, and we will keep moving forward.
I will begin to unravel all the emotions earlier, all the hurt and trauma I turned into lessons in life.
Everything will be a guide and a warning from me, I will make sure that all of that will not make me trapped and instead make me learn and develop more in managing emotions.
When I can accept that past, then I can be more open that I’m not okay, then help will come.
My friends will provide support, either moral or material support. They will listen to my story. I will receive feedback. And I no longer feel like a failure and alone.
Sometimes even my friends will tell stories, they’ve had the same problem and they tell me how they got out of it.
From here everything will start to improve and slowly I can recover from the trauma of the past.
Mental health is important, trauma may never be completely lost, but we have to make sure that we can escape from its shadow.
Make the trauma a valuable lesson, but don’t make it a barrier for us to move into the future.
If you need help, then don’t hesitate to seek help, you can talk to your closest friends, parents or if it is bad enough, seek help from professionals such as psychologists and psychiatrists.
We deserve to live happily, so make sure that we are mentally fine too.
“You can’t have a better tomorrow if you’re thinking about yesterday.”― Charles Kettering